cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
