Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
