She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
