check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
