My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
