i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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