i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
