barbara walters just said penis...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
