I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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