i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
