Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
