Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
