In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
