I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
