Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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