Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
