Sponge bath it is.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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