those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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