Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
