Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
