Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
