My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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