it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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