is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
