Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
