it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
