dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
