Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
