It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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