Capitaan dildo arrescate!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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