literally had 100 drinks last night.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
