drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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