pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
