i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
