i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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