I have demons in me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
