The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
that's an acceptable place to lick
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
