i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
