he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
