at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
