now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
