It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
