Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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