Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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