I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
