he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
