The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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