K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
