the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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