Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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